I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
