420 ftw
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize