my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk is not a location!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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