you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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