While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
