i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
