actually, I'm a sock model
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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