A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
