Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
no, he came in my armpit
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize