We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
