Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
