If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
