he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The uberlube is also flammable
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
