Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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