our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
