Kiss
Puke
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
