he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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