all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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