dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She bit a glass in half.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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