I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
