everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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