youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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