Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize