Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
