Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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