She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
