i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
