She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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