I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
