So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
