I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
