i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
