My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
only if we run a train.
done.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
