pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize