my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
