Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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