My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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