Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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