so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
