My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
