I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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