Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
