i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
