I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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