Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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