guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
