thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
