My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
