dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
