this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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