I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
