In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
