its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
