i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
