Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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