Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
