Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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