So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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