I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
