Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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