i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
