The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
cat food counts as protein by the way
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
