don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize