Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize