i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
