I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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