and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
