I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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